Tue, February 07 2012
| TITLE: | Jules Verne's Bogus Journey |
|---|---|
| AUTHOR: | Brendanslave |
| CATEGORY/TYPE: | Crossover, Humor |
| CROSSOVER: | Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure |
| RATING/WARNINGS: | PG, Gen |
| MAIN CHARACTERS: | Jules Verne |
| DESCRIPTION: | Jules Verne meets Bill and Ted...Again. |
| STATUS: | Complete |
| DISCLAIMER: | No one in this story belongs to me. I am making no money off of this. This story is copywrited 2002 and may not be altered in any way without the express permission of the author. |
| NOTE: | This is a sequel to Jules Verne's Excellent Adventure so you might want to read that first! :) |
"I shall ask you again one more time, Verne. Will you join the league?"
Count Gregory watched Jules Verne in front of him. Jules had been chained by his wrists by chains that emanated from the ceiling above him. The result was Jules hands were raised high above his head in a V causing massive discomfort. Discomfort he was determined not to show to Count Gregory.
"Never!!" Jules spat back defiantly.
Count Gregory sighed. He had been going at this for four hours now. Nothing he had done had persuaded Verne. He had tried everything from whippings and beatings to threats of violence against the Foggs and Passpartout who had been secured in a lower level dungeon. Nothing was successful. He didn't want to use the final option because he wanted Jules to join the league of his own free will. But if nothing else was going to persuade him, so be it.....
"Very well, Verne. I see I shall have to insert the Cortical Lobe Stud and obtain your allegiance by force."
He mentally signalled two of his slaves into action. The black masked men moved as one man towards Verne who was glaring defiantly. Another slave appeared from the side with the drill in his hands.
Verne's mind whirled trying to come up with a way out of this. He knew he needed a diversion while he thought of a way to escape....
"You won't go through with this, Count Gregory. You don't want me in the league as a mindless slave!" He shouted out hoping he sounded braver than he felt.
"Affirmative, Verne. But I have given you every chance to avoid this fate and it seems that this is the way it must be."
Verne froze as the slave raised the drill to his temple. As the whirring drill came closer to his head, he desparately tried to think of another diversion...
Everyone looked over as they saw a rectangular box drop suddenly into the room. Verne's eyes widened as he recognized it. It was the contraption he and his friends had seen a year ago when they were picnicking. But how had it gotten in here?....
"Whoa dude? Where are we now?" Ted said as he opened the booth door.
"I don't know Ted, It kinda looks like a cave." Bill said as he stepped out behind him.
"Dude, maybe Yogi Bear is in here!" Ted said excitedly.
"He isn't real, dude!" Bill said as he flashed him a look that said moron.
Suddenly Ted's mouth dropped in shock and he pointed.
"Bill!! It's Ver-Ne!" He yelled in delight.
Bill peaked over Ted's shoulder.
"Ver-Ne!" He screamed. "How's it hanging, dude? Where'd the victorian fox go to? And what is this for?"he said pointing to the chains. "Is it like some victorian workout you do?"
They finally noticed the slaves who were standing around Jules, puzzled.
"Whoa, dude? Who are these guys?" Ted said scratching his head.
"Don't know, Ted. Maybe they are supposed to be dressed up like Zorro?" Bill said staring at the masks.
"Wow! That's awesome, Bill! Have you ever seen Zorro on the Disney Channel? Man, that dude is most triumphant. He rides this gnarly horse..."
"Ahem.."
Bill and Ted look over and see Count Gregory for the first time. They stare at him in wonder.
"Dude, he's made out of metal!" Bill said finally.
"Yeah, heavy metal!"
Bill and Ted look at each other and start playing air guitar. Behind them Jules lets out a groan and rolls his eyes.
"Who are you?" Count Gregory Demanded.
"I am Bill S. Preston, Esquire"
"And I'm Ted Theodore Logan."
"And together we are WYLD STALLYNS!"
Count Gregory stares angrilly as Bill and Ted leap up and fall to the floor on their knees playing Air Guitar. Ted stops his playing and looks at Count Gregory who is gritting his teeth.
"And you're the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz, right?" He said pointing at him.
"Dude, He isn't real either." Bill says exasperated.
"How about Shredder from the Ninja Turtles?" Ted says hopefully
Bill shook his head.
"Voltron?"
Bill shook his head
"Optimus Prime?"
"No, Ted" Bill said angrilly
"Not even Optimus Prime?" Ted said disappointed.
Bill shook his head
"Dude, what a bummer."
Count Gregory felt his patience draining away. He was eager to get Verne's enslavement over and done with. He couldn't pass up the chance, however, to inform these two dolts on who he was...
"I am Count Gregory, Head of the League of Darkness." He said proudly.
Bill and Ted stared at him in silence for a moment.
"Um...Are you related to Count Dracula?" Ted said slowly.
Count Gregory glared at him.
"No!"
"Um...Count Chocula?"
"No!"
The Count from Sesame Street?"
"Dude, you're naming people who aren't real again." Bill reminded him.
They jerked their heads up as Count Gregory screamed.
NO, NO, NO!!! I AM COUNT GREGORY. I AM NOT RELATED TO ANY OTHER COUNT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
As he screamed, his slaves jerked in pain as they felt the scream echoing through their brains. He looked at the nearest slaves.
"Get them out of my sight!! Throw them in the dungeon with the others. I will deal with these two later after I've finished with Verne!" He yelled at them. The slaves moved quickly and grabbed Bill and Ted under their arms and began to drag them down to the dungeon.
"Bogus!" they both said as they disappeared around the corner.
Phileas paced back and forth in their cell. Rebecca and Passpartout watched him as he stomped past them.
"What are you trying to do, Phileas? Wear away a hole big enough for us to get through?" Rebecca said as she watched his endless pacing.
Phileas stopped and fixed a glare on her.
"I am thinking, Rebecca. I find that if I pace back and forth, it helps me to think better!" he said in a snotty voice. "Anyway, I don't see you or Passpartout making any sort of attempt to get us out of here!"
"Mmmm, Yes Phileas. That's exactly right. Passpartout and I just love sitting here watching you walk back and forth muttering to yourself." Rebecca said sarcastically.
Passpartout began to agree, but a sharp look from Phileas caused him to shut his mouth.
Suddenly, The dungeon doors swung open. Phileas closed his eyes. He figured they must have finished with Verne and were coming for them next. He vowed that if they had hurt his friend in any way....
"Whoa dude! It's the victorian fox!"
Phileas's eyes snapped open. He knew that voice...
He turned and his mouth dropped open.
"Oh, bloody hell." He muttered.
"Dude!" Ted said grabbing Phileas's hand and shaking it.
Phileas winced at the death grip Ted had on his hand. After a few tugs, he was able to break free. Holding his hand, he stared at Ted,and Bill...who was leering at Rebecca.
With a slam, the slaves locked the doors behind them. Bill and Ted stared at the door confused. Bill tried the door.
"Hey, It's locked." He yelled out.
"Really, Thanks so much for your insight. We never would have guessed otherwise." Phileas spat out as he went to stand beside Rebecca and Passpartout.
"But...Why would they lock the door?" Ted said, still confused.
Phileas stared at him with a look of disbelief.
"Hmmm, Do you suppose maybe it's because Count Gregory just loves our company sooooo much, he doesn't want us to leave?" He answered sarcastically. He looked down at Rebecca and Passpartout and rolled his eyes." And I thought Count Gregory was a pain in the arse." He said under his breath.
He turned back and the three of them stared as Bill and Ted began a heated conversation.
"Dude, how do we get out of here?" Ted asked Bill.
"I don't know, Ted." Bill answered. He began to think. "Hey, maybe when we get out of here, we can travel back in time to a point before we got here and steal the keys and leave them here for us to find!" he said.
"Yeah!" Ted agreed. "But where will we put them so no one can find them?"
Bill began to look around the cell.
"How about in that corner over there under the straw?" He said pointing to the back wall. He walked over to the wall as everyone watched and dug through the straw. "Here they are!" he said pulling the keys out.
Phileas, Rebecca and Passpartout's mouths hit the floor as Bill walked back to the door. Sticking his hand with the key out through the bars next to the door. he reached around and unlocked it. They grinned as the door swung open.
"Excellent!" They both said and played a quick air guitar.
Phileas, Rebecca and Passpartout stared at each other in shock and then all three stared at the straw where Bill had found the keys.
"You mean Count Gregory was idiotic enough to leave the keys in here with us?" Phileas said.
"Nah, Dude. We just travelled back in time and snatched them and hid them there." Bill said pointing.
The three of them stared at each other as Bill and Ted exited the cage. They decided to figure it all out later and followed them. Their friend Jules was far more important at the moment...
Jules sighed as he tried to think of another excuse. He had successfully stalled Count Gregory ever since Bill and Ted had been hauled off, but he could see Count Gregory's temper was at a breaking point. He knew he was gonna need a miracle to keep the drill out of his head....
"I go tired of these childish games, Verne!" He said irritated. "It is time for you to accept your fate!"
Jules was about to open his mouth in another protest when a high pitched sing song voice came from the cooridor behind him.
"Yooooooo-Hooooo Zorrrroooooo duuuuuuuudes! Over here!"
The slaves all looked towards the cooridor and looked back at Count Gregory.
"See who that is!" Count Gregory spat out.
The slaves moved as one towards the cooridor and disappeared from sight. Suddenly, there was the sounds of a struggle. Count Gregory stared at the cooridor confused. He could have sworn he lost contact with his men.
"Are you there?" He called out.
He watched as two slaves came around the corner and walked to him. They stood on either side of him and grinned.
"Nothin' to worry about, dude. It was...rats. Big ones!" The slave on his right said.
Count Gregory blinked.
"Who are you? I didn't order you to speak." he said suspiciously.
"Ready, dude?" Ted whispered to Bill who was on the other side.
"Ready!"
"Go!"
They both reached behind and dove into his armor. Finding his underwear they gave him a tremendous wedgie. Count Gregory's eyes bugged out as his underwear rode up into his crack.
"They melvined me!" He said painfully.
"Excellent!" they cried out!
They grabbed the keys that were lying at Count Gregory's side and ran to Jules. Jules groaned as they unlocked the shackles and his arms fell. Rebecca and Passpartout ran to either side and wrapped the arms around their necks, supporting him...
Bill and Ted turned and saw that Count Gregory was wiggling around in his chair trying desparately to losen the underwear in his crack.
"You know, Ted. When we come back and swipe the keys we could bring along Rufus to motorize that chair!" He said.
"Yeah, and we would use a remote control like this one!" Ted said reaching into the booth and bringing out a modified Atari joystick.
As Count Gregory stared at them in horror. Bill and Ted waved goodbye.
"Catch ya later, Freddie Krueger dude!" they yelled and pushed up on the joystick.
As everyone watched the chair began to whirl backwards towards a balcony. Reaching the balcony it crashed through the stone wall and Count Gregory hurled out into the sky and out of sight with an AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. After a few seconds they heard a boom as the chair landed on some rocks.
"Dude, that was most unprecedented!" Bill said.
"I want to thank you for rescuing me and my friends." Jules said as he shook their hands. The other stood behind him nodding. "It was really...awesome." He said hoping he said the strange word correctly.
"No problem, dude!" Ted said hugging him.
Jules was taken aback but managed a pat on the back in return.
"Well...gotta go. Gotta go get Rufus and travel back in time to make sure the keys and the chair are in place for the next Bill and Ted."
The others stared at them, confused. They all nodded deciding not to ask too many questions.
"Well. If you're ever in Paris or at Shillingworth Magna...look us up!" Jules said, smiling.
"You bet!" Bill said as he stepped into the booth. "Catch ya later, dudes! Be excellent to each other!" Ted said following him.
The others nodded and waved. As they walked towards the corridor, they stopped to watch the booth spring to life. As electricity shot down the sides, Bill and Ted waved goodbye before a hole opened up and they fell through leaving the square pattern of electricity behind.
The three of them stood for a moment and then chuckling walked down the cooridor and back to the Aurora.
THE END