Tue, February 07 2012
| TITLE: | Jules Verne's Excellent Adventure |
|---|---|
| AUTHOR: | Brendanslave |
| CATEGORY/TYPE: | Crossover, Humor |
| CROSSOVER: | Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure |
| RATING/WARNINGS: | PG-13, Gen |
| MAIN CHARACTERS: | Jules Verne |
| DESCRIPTION: | Bill and Ted meet Jules Verne. Hillarity ensues! |
| STATUS: | Complete |
| DISCLAIMER: | None of the characters in this story belong to me. I'm making no money off of this. |
Ted gulped as he looked out the window of the phone booth. They were rapidly traveling through the circuits of history. The antenna had broken again and they had no idea where they were heading to.
"Bill? Are you sure this is a good idea?" He asked with uncertainty.
"Of course it's a good idea Ted! The next place we land at, we'll fix the booth!" He said.
Ted nodded and braced himself as he saw the end of the circuit open up before them.
Jules leaned back against an oak tree and began to write quietly in his journal. They had just finished a delicious picnic lunch and his stomach was full. Across the way, Rebecca and Phileas chatted quietly while Passpartout cleaned up. Picking up the leftover food, he disappeared into the Aurora.
Jules stopped writing and thought for a moment. He was working on an idea about a captain named Nemo and an adventure under the ocean. He furrowed his brow. It was nothing more than brainstorming at the moment but he hoped he could turn the idea into a novel. Maybe even a novel that was finally successful. He placed the pen on the paper ready to write down something he had just thought of when suddenly he heard a distant scream. Jules perked his ears and listened. He coulda sworn the screaming was coming from above. He looked over and noticed that Phileas and Rebecca had stopped talking and were listening as well. Jules looked up and his eyes widened as he saw something falling from the sky. He watched, entranced, as the rectangular object hit the ground with a thud a few feet from them. Electricity snaked over it for a moment and then all was still.
Jules, Phileas and Rebecca stood up as they watch a door slide open and two oddly dressed men step out and looked around.
"Dude? Where are we?" The dark haired man said
"I don't know, Ted." The blonde curly haired man replied. He looked over and noticed Jules, Phileas and Rebecca. "Let's go ask these dudes, over here!"
"Oh yeah!" The dark haired man agreed.
The blonde haired man walked up to Jules.
"How's it hangin', dude?" he said extending his hand.
Jules looked over at Phileas and Rebecca. He looked back and shook the blonde haired man's hand.
"Um...I'm fine...If that's what you mean" He said hesitantly.
He nodded at the dark haired man who had come up behind the blonde haired man.
"I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire." The blonde haired man said importantly.
"And I'm Ted Theodore Logan!" The other one chimed in.
The pair looked at each other.
"And together we are WYLD STALLYNS!!"
Jules watched, confused, as the pair jumped around wiggling their fingers. He looked over at Phileas who was shaking his head slowly and Rebecca who was staring at them with wide eyes. Jules sighed as he saw he would have to be the one to handle this.
"Um...I'm Jules Verne." He said.
Bill and Ted stopped in mid jump and stood completely still staring at Jules. Jules shifted uneasily at their shocked gazes. Ted turned to Bill....
"Bill, It's Jules Verne, dude!"
"Who?"
"The dead writer dude from english lit class."
Bill stared at Ted, confused.
"He wrote 20,000 leagues under the sea, dude!" Ted said exasperated.
A light began to go on in Bill's head.
"Oooooooh! Captain Nemo, Dude!"
Jules perked up. His eyes widened as he recognized the name of the character he had just scribbled down in his journals. He gingerly tapped Ted on the shoulder and backed up as Ted whirled around.
"You said Captain Nemo?" He said
Ted nodded enthusiastically and pointed at him.
"Yeah, dude! That was a great book you wrote!"
Jules eyes were as big as saucers. Behind him, Phileas and Rebecca exchanged glances.
"Book?....I....wrote?" He said hesitantly.
"YEAH!" Ted nodded.
"I wrote...an...actual book?" Jules said in disbelief.
Bill leaned over.
"I think this dude is slow." He said to Ted
Ted looked at him and nodded. Grinning he turned back to Jules and leaned over into his face.
"YOU.....WROTE.....A.....BOOK....DUDE!" he hollared slowly so that Jules could understand him.
Jules backed away.
"Alright, alright. I'm not deaf. You don't have to scream!" He said.
Ted shrugged.
"Whatever you say, dude!"
Suddenly he got an idea.
"Bill, check your english lit book." he said.
Bill nodded and reached into his backpack. Ever since he and Ted had started time travelling, they made sure to bring along their schoolbooks for reference. He found the english lit book and pulled it out.
"Look him up!" Ted said. He thought for a second and then added. "Oh, He's listed under Ver-Ne."
"Um...My name is pronounced Verne, not Ver-Ne." Jules said behind them.
Taking no notice of him, they thumbed through the book.
"Ah here we are!" Bill exclaimed. He and Ted muttered silently as they read. Jules struggled to hear what was being said. He looked back at Phileas and Rebecca who were eyeing them suspisciously.
"OOOOOOOOO" Ted suddenly screamed. "He wrote Around the World in 80 Days too!!"
Jules blinked. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had written two whole books?
Ted poked Bill in the shoulder.
"I remember that book, dude. That's the one we had to read and give a report on. Remember?"
"Oh yeah!" Bill said. " We ended up getting the Cliff Notes instead!"
Jules couldn't stand it anymore. He had to know.
"Um...Excuse me?" He said.
Bill and Ted turned to face him with huge grins on their faces.
"What is the plot of this book I wrote?" He asked them.
He watched as the grins fell into confused frowns.
"You mean you don't know?" Ted asked.
Jules shook his head.
"It's your book, dude!" Ted said insistently. "The one you wrote about that dude who goes around the world in 80 days.....His name was Philadelphia Foghorn or something....Really odd name."
Jules stepped back in surprise.
"Phileas Fogg?" He asked.
"YEAH! THAT'S IT!" Bill screamed.
"You don't say?"
Jules spun around to see the Phileas had walked up behind him, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Please...Tell us more!" He said eyeing Jules.
Ted stopped and thought.
"Well...He went around the world because of some stupid bet and he had this french dude with him who was like his slave or something. He had a really stupid name too, I could never pronounce it."
Phileas raised his eyebrows.
"Passpartout?" he asked them.
"Um....I don't know, dude?" Ted said, hesitantly. "How do ya spell it?"
"P..A..S..S..P..A..R..T..O..U..T."
Ted grinned.
"Yeah, that's it! Pass-Part-Out! Dude, that is one screwed up name!"He looked at Jules. "How did you ever think up such a retarded name? We're you like stoned at the time or something?"
Jules stared at them.
"I didn't think it up, Passpartout is my friend." He said. He's in the Aurora, if you don't believe me." He pointed back to the airship.
"Whoa dude! A zepplin!" Bill said in awe.
Ted grinned at him
"Yeah, Led Zepplin!"
They looked at each other and began to play air guitar.
Jules looked at Phileas and sighed deeply.
"I'm gonna be in the Aurora with Passpartout." He said quietly.
"Dude, wait!"
Jules turned to see Bill calling to him.
"I want to know if you'll help us."
Jules looked at Bill warily.
"Help..you?"
"Yeah, Our antenna broke on our phone booth and we wondered if you knew how to fix it?" He motioned towards the booth.
Jules stared at it with interest. He began to walk slowly towards it, marvelling at the device. He stopped in front of it and examined every inch of it.
"Jules, wait! It might be a trap. You don't know what it is!" Rebecca yelled as she started towards him.
She stopped short when she noticed Bill and Ted were now eyeing her with lust.
"Dude! Check out the savory babe!" Bill said elbowing Ted.
They looked at one another and began to walk towards Rebecca.
"How's it going, victorian babe?" They called out together.
Rebecca pulled out a dagger and held it out in front of her.
"Whoa, babe!" Ted said holding up his hands. "We just wanted to ask you if we can take you to the prom in San Dimas."
"Yeah!" Bill agreed. "You are one bodacious fox!"
Phileas stepped in between them and Rebecca.
"Keep away from my cousin, you cretins!' He spat out.
Bill and Ted looked at each other in confusion.
"Dude, what does cretin mean?" Ted asked.
Bill shrugged his shoulders.
"Maybe it's a victorian word for dude?" He offered.
Ted grinned at him and Bill grinned back. They both looked at Phileas.
"PARTY ON, CRETIN!" They yelled.
Phileas threw up his hands and walked past them to Jules who had climbed up on top of the booth.
"I see the problem. I think I can fix it, but I need my tools." He said to him.
"I'LL GET THEM, JULES!" Rebecca said quickly as she saw Bill and Ted were advancing on her again.
She quickly ran to the Aurora and climbed up onto the deck as Bill and Ted stood and stared appreciatively at her ass. On the way in the door, she smacked into Passpartout who was coming out. Muttering a sorry, she disappeared into the Aurora as Passpartout picked himself up.
'What is being wrong with Miss Rebecca?" He asked himself.
He stopped as he spied Bill and Ted. He stood looking at them and their clothes, puzzled.
"Mon Dieu!' he said shocked.
"How's it going, frenchy dude?" Ted called to him.
He stumbled as Rebecca hurried back out the door carrying the tool kit. Muttering another sorry, she scrambled to the ground and ran past the leering gazes of Bill and Ted to Jules. Handing the tool kit up to Jules, she turned and flattened her back against the booth and fingered her dagger.
"Fix it quickly" She said to Jules.
Phileas sighed. He looked up at Passpartout who was still staring awestruck at Bill and Ted.
"Passpartout, stop gawking and get over here and help!" He yelled.
Passpartout blinked.
"Oh...yes, master! Sorry master!" He said apologetically.
Bill elbowed Ted.
"Dude, he has the same name as that french slave in the book." He said.
As Passpartout hurried past, Ted stopped him
"Are you like named after that french slave in his book?" He said pointing to Jules.
Passpartout stared at him, confused.
"Never mind, Passpartout! Ignore them!" Phileas said exasperated.
"Yes, master....Sorry, master!" He said.
He ran to the booth and took the tool kit from Rebecca who resumed her defensive stance. He passed up the tools to Jules as he needed them.
After about a half hour, Jules sat up and rubbed the sweat from his brow.
"It's finished!" He said
"THANK HEAVENS!" Rebecca screamed. She looked over at the stunned faces of Phileas and Passpartout. "Sorry." She said quietly.
Jules jumped down from the top of the booth and nodded at Bill and Ted.
"It's fixed" He said.
"EXCELLENT!" they yelled in unison.
They came over and grabbed Jules hand shaking it vigorously.
"We appreciate all you've done, dude!" Ted said.
Jules nodded.
"You can leave now!" He said giving a not too subtle hint.
Bill and Ted nodded and walked into the phone booth. As Bill looked through the yellow pages. Ted waved to everyone.
"Catch ya later, Ver-Ne, English dude, Frenchy slave, BABE!" he nodded at each one.
"Yeah, bye." The four of them muttered.
"Okay, I got a number!" Bill said as he pressed the buttons. Ted closed the door and gave one more wave.
The four of them watched transfixed as the little antenna stood upright and opened up. Electricity shot down the sides of the booth as a hole opened up and the booth fell into it. The hole closed behind them leaving a square shaped electrical charge darting around the ground before it vanished.
The four of them stood motionless for a few moments staring at the space where the booth had been. Finally Phileas turned to Jules.
"There Verne, You can turn all of this into a plot for a book."
Jules looked at him.
"Are you nuts? I would be commited to an asylum as soon as they read it!"
Laughing softly, the four of them turned back towards the Aurora....
THE END